I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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