I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
