if i can run in heels then i can drive
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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