So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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