It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
