Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
