Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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