I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
