I must be too annoying 4 u.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
