it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
