The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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