just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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