I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
