So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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