fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
