I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
