A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
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