This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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