Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
