We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
