One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
