1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
