i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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