not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
