Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
