My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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