It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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