If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
