If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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