Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I met the friendliest cop last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
