If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
