Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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