I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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