when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
