For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
