when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
