You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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