Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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