Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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