I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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