a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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