It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
