Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
