Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
