my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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