Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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