Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
