trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
