I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
