He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
